We all know that the holiday season can be a tough time if you are holding grief. Maybe it’s your first Christmas without someone you love. Or likely to be your last Christmas together because you, or they, have a diagnosis.
Can you hold that in your heart and breathe?
These moments of intense feeling are part of the gift of our mortality. Imagine yourself in the classic fairy-tale situation where you can wish for a cup of coffee that never runs out. Or a tin with an endless supply of your favourite chocolate brownies. That would seem great at first… but the lustre would wear off quite quickly. Knowing things are limited gives us a space to cherish them, value them, appreciate them.
Losing someone you love – or facing your own death – is huge compared to chocolate brownies of course. But some of that logic still applies. The “Live Positive” movement was born from the AIDS epidemic and has been shown to improve people’s lives. Shifting from victim mode to a more empowered stance opens up options for satisfying moments in life. However long we have left.
Just because commerce is trying to lure you into the Christmas trap of spending money and feeling stressed doesn’t mean you have to follow. If you never really enjoyed that family or religious tradition you grew up with, maybe now is your chance to change.
So what might a Positive Christmas look like for you? If you could have everything your own way, who would be there? What would you eat? Would you play games or listen to music or watch Love Actually or go on a sailing trip?
Maybe you want to give a small gift to your departed person that you know they would appreciate, or lay a place for them at the table. Honoring their absence is a way of honoring the presence they were in your life.
And if your grief is preemptive – knowing that you or someone else will die soon – then how can you make this Christmas extra special? What are the things that normally cost you time and energy that you just do out of habit or because it’s the normal thing to do? Maybe this situation is an impetus to create your own perfect Christmas that only has elements that you value and are moved by. If that means a cheese sandwich on a remote beach while listening to Harry Potter tapes then so be it. Make this Christmas the one you always longed for.
Wishing you peace and joy wherever you can find it
Free Spirit 