As part of my End of Life Doula training with Living Well Dying Well we discussed principles of working with others during their journey to death. Seven years later I realise how strong a role these principles have played in defining my approach to this work and so I share them here – in my own words – to give you some of the context for how I work.
Being there
Every person’s journey is different and it is so important to keep that in mind. This is not the kind of work where I can walk into the room with a set formula for how to proceed. It starts with listening and learning about the individual, then accompanying them on their path – whatever their belief system is, whatever their hopes and fears, whatever their demeanor. I support their personal experience and, where necessary, will support them as an intermediary with family or other professionals.
Information
I don’t approach a death as someone who “knows”. This is a new experience for the dying person, their loved ones, and for me. A beginner’s mind is necessary. However I am also aware that I may hold information and experience that is useful to them. I will share this information as clearly and objectively as I can
Simplicity
There can be many forces at play making death complex and I choose to stand for simplifying processes wherever possible. It can often be the simple, small things that make someone feel a little better. Listening to both the dying person and those around them I can strive to understand needs and respond.
Expertise
Experience of the dying process is a fundamental reason for me being there. I can offer that, along with the training and reading and learning of seven years on this path. The important self-reflection that is part of the doula training and practice underpins this and I am able to draw on the joint wisdom and knowledge of my community – the Association of End of Life Doulas – and my mentor.
Relationship
Building relationships with all those involved is an important part of the process of supporting End of Life. Recognising that people may behave differently as they go through anticipatory grief approaching the death and then have adjust to their new reality of bereavement. There is no right or wrong way to do any of this – every journey is different and every person’s feelings and reactions are valid. I aim to support people in their authentic feelings while also acknowledging the impact they may have on those around them with the intention of fostering healthy relationships and good endings.
Free Spirit 